I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
