He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
