You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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