I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
