Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
