Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
