I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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