I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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