i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
