Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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