I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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