His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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