2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
