Everything about him screamed your future.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
