i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
