Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
