I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
