Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pants are for mortals
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
