I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
