Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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