Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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