i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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