My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
