Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
