Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Barsexuality is the new black.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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