So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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