Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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