I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
God, I missed his penis.
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