I just pynch a tree in the face
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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