I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
