No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
