wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
