it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
