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Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
