I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
