2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
