Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
