I just pynch a tree in the face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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