Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
