i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
