I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
vagina is talking i cant
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
