We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
