Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
