Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
