i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
