she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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