There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
