dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
