I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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