at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
