i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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