I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
