how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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