that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
